- One of my Great Danes, Buddy
Whenever I’m around children for an extended (read: more than 10 minutes) period of time, and then I come home to my dogs…well, it makes me realize just how much I love my dogs.
Society dictates that children are a good thing, that they are wee miracles (though I would argue that if there billions of something, it’s no miracle). And now that I’ve been married for two years, there seems to be a certain expectation that the pitter-patter of tiny feet will soon follow. But with seven billion people on the planet, ever-increasing life expectancies, and our departure from an agrarian society in the Western world, one has to ask: Why do we have children?
I recently read this fascinating New York Times editorial by Peter Singer, titled Should This Be the Last Generation? He poses some excellent philosophical questions. Quoth Singer:
“Have you ever thought about whether to have a child? If so, what factors entered into your decision? Was it whether having children would be good for you, your partner and others close to the possible child, such as children you may already have, or perhaps your parents? …very few ask whether coming into existence is a good thing for the child itself.”
He goes on to point out that human activities are destroying the world we live in, and while some of us do small things to reduce our carbon footprint (walking to work, becoming a vegetarian, etc.), perhaps we should consider thwarting said destruction by not having the children who will experience the fallout of our careless ways (and, I might add, who will likely perpetuate the cycle). ”Why don’t we make ourselves the last generation on earth?” he asks. This question is posed largely in jest, of course, as it would be impossible to get the entire global population to agree to mass sterilization. But it does make me think that we should all find a damn good reason for having children before we have them.
Makes celibacy look tempting...
When I consider the idea of having a child, I think my reasoning is 50/50 – half about how it will affect me, and half about what kind of life I would be able to give a child. But in my experience, most of the parents I know have had children more for their own happiness (as in exclamations of ”Awwwww, I want a baby!” upon seeing a particularly cute one) than anything else; to fill a void in an otherwise dull and unfulfilling life. And there are without a doubt many, many people who have children and then fail to provide them with a decent life.
Following are the reasons for which, in my estimation, people have children:
1.) Because they are cute and it will be fun. FAIL
2.) Because you want to see what kind of spawn you and your mate would produce (vanity project). FAIL
3.) To legitimize your own existence; to create a human version of “So-and-So Was Here” graffiti. FAIL
4.) So you can leave your fortune to someone. WIN if you are a good person; FAIL if you have ever appeard on reality TV
5.) Because the condom broke. FAIL
6.) So someone will take care of you in your eventual senility. FAIL (nursing home fund instead of college fund)
7.) Because you have an amazing life that the future child could take part in and be roughly sheltered from the world’s greatest miseries as a result. WIN!
Yes, if I ever have children, it will be in part for my own happiness. But I won’t consider having any until I know, with a great degree of certainty, that I’ll be able to provide them with a fantastic life. Perhaps the world wouldn’t be bursting at the seams in every possible way if more people put some thoughtful consideration into this decision. I like the idea of having my grown children coming home for Christmas, but those first five to 10 years seem to be a real bitch (pardon mon francais). For now, wine trumps formula; sleeping in trumps 3a.m. crying; and European vacations trump Disney World.
Indeed, life can be fabulous without bringing new people into the mix. Vive la joie de vivre!
